Sexting comes up more often in my practice than most parents expect — not always as the presenting problem, but as something that surfaces once we’re a few sessions into working with a teenager. It’s worth understanding clearly, because the harm involved is easy to underestimate until it’s already happened.
Sexting refers to sending sexually explicit messages or images by text, messaging apps, or email, usually from a smartphone. It’s become common largely because of how available the technology is — the vast majority of teenagers now carry a smartphone and are online constantly. That access creates both the temptation and the means, often before a teenager has the judgment to weigh the consequences.
How common is it, really
Research out of the University of Texas found that roughly 28% of teens admitted to sending a sexually explicit message at some point. The pressure to do so isn’t distributed evenly — girls report being asked to send images at a much higher rate than boys, and that pressure often comes wrapped in the threat of a relationship ending if they refuse.
Why it causes real harm
The core problem with sexting is one most teenagers don’t fully grasp in the moment: once an image is sent, the person in it has lost control of where it goes. Images get forwarded, posted, and redistributed well beyond the original recipient — often permanently. One watchdog study found that a striking share of self-generated explicit images, close to 88%, end up copied onto pornographic websites without the subject’s knowledge or consent.
The psychological fallout can be significant. Teens whose images circulate without their consent often experience real shame and a sharp drop in self-esteem, sometimes alongside depression, declining grades, school avoidance, self-harm, or substance use. And this is before accounting for the legal exposure — possessing or distributing explicit images of a minor, or pressuring someone into sending them, is a crime in most states and can carry serious, lasting consequences.
What I recommend to parents
Start the conversation before there’s a crisis, and keep it calm and specific rather than framed as a threat. Ask open-ended questions — whether they know what sexting is, whether it happens among their friends, how they’d handle being asked to send something. It also helps to set clear, agreed-upon rules around device use, particularly limiting phone access overnight, when a lot of this activity happens.
If it’s already happened
If you find out your teenager has been sexting, resist the urge to react with anger or a lecture — what they need in that moment is support, not shame. Try to understand what led to it, talk through the real consequences, and work together to get any existing images deleted, including reaching out to the phone carrier about their own removal or prevention resources. For teens themselves, the steps are similar: stop immediately, delete any images on your own device, and request — in writing, if possible — that anyone who received an image delete it too. If someone won’t comply, involve a parent or school official, and keep an eye on whether the image resurfaces elsewhere.
If sexting has become part of what’s going on with your teenager — whether they’ve sent something, received something, or you’re just trying to get ahead of it — I’m glad to talk it through with you and with them.